jueves, agosto 17, 2006

Aaahhh…pero eso sí...

La historia del “Aaahhh pero eso sí” es casi una leyenda urbana que con los años ha ido formando parte de nuestra tradición oral guatemalteca, tan rica en anécdotas. Incluye de todos los ingredientes, sexo, autoestima, posesiones demoníacas, pornografía, inmadurez. Todo un coctel de emociones. Ocurrió allá por el año 97, aunque la fecha exacta se ha perdido con el paso del tiempo. Aparece aquí hoy porque lo ofrecí hace algún tiempo, además, conozco directamente a los involucrados, que son amigos míos, y si van a pasar un rato avergonzados y nosotros riéndonos de ellos pues me alegra colaborar en eso.

Se las dejo tal y como me la enviaron, para que no haya ninguna desviación en el rigor histórico, solo hago la anotación de que en paréntesis y con letra cursiva están mis comentarios.

Aaahh…pero eso sí. (Narrada por Christian)

Era una tarde soleada, calurosa, nuestro ímpetu de jóvenes desbordaba (esto sonó hueco, hueco), la emoción de la música corría por nuestras venas, nuestro grupo lo conformaban mas integrantes (no recuerdo sinceramente)(además de los presentes,el oliver, ludwin y el hermano de ludwing) pero esa tarde en la casa de Julio solo nos habíamos juntado para ensayar tres, Julio como anfitrión, el chamuco (Vinicio) y yo (Christian).

Quisimos, intentamos, mas nuestros ingenuos y toscos por no decir inútiles esfuerzos por interpretar algo eran obstaculizados por el poco conocimiento del arte. (Hasta nombre tenía el grupo, Palabras Mágicas le decían).

La plática se extendió y para variar, Julio quiso hacer gala de los actos que tanto había querido copiarle a Oliver, era su 'mijo' decía Oliver. Julio contaba con gran ilusión que había visitado a unas sexoservidoras (putas) y que había dejado de ser casto, o simplemente que con todo gusto una doña del lugar lo había violado.

Surgió entonces el nerviosismo, las obvias preguntas desbordaban:

¿Y vos ya Christian? (Julio preguntando si Christian ya había echado un palito)

¿Qué hacer? me preguntaba, contesté: "No, yo soy virgensito" (pudoroso el Christian) dije sobriamente mientras él se creía superman y esbozaba una risa burlona con dentadura de frijol pues casi no se lavaba los dientes. El interrogatorio seguía:

¿ Y vos chamuco? (La misma intención de la pregunta a Christian)

Vi las heridas aun cortantes de sus recuerdos en sus ojos, se adelantó y contestó: "No, yo tampoco". No se ni como ni de donde pero yo recuerdo verle la expresión del jefe malo de los gremlins, aquel que quería matar a Gizmo, transpirado sobre su cara y diciendo:

"aaahhh, pero eso sí… me echo unas pajas que jaaa!!" sin titubear y como con la vista perdida en visones de revistas leídas. (Eso pasa por responder lo que no preguntan, con un “no” bastaba)

Para cuando recobre el sentido aun corrían lagrimas de risa sobre mis mejías, estaba en otro lugar de la casa y al volver a verlo veía como su ingenuidad e inocencia habían regresado a aquel rostro que contemplaba las revistas playboy que el hermano de Julio tenia. Así nació la historia. (Y no la vamos a dejar morir, porque de esto nos reiremos el resto de nuestras vidas, es mas, esperando estamos a que los hijos del Chamuco tengan edad suficiente para contarles semejante historia de su papá)

------ -------- -------


Bueno, aquí les dejo el relato mis dilectos amigos, yo se que parece un cuento salido de la dimensión desconocida pero es la mas pura verdad, esto ocurrió, son personas reales y que probablemente mas de alguno de ustedes conozca, es mas, si me mandan un email les puedo dar los nombres completos de los involucrados por si encima es alguien que creen que conocen pero no están seguros, jajaja.. Aunque ustedes no lo crean, y como decía el de “la calle donde tu vives”…Como me lo contaron se los cuento.

214 comentarios:

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El Chamuco dijo...

Bien me lo decia mi madre... tene cuidado de lo que contestas cuando te pregunten algo.. jajajaja

Andy dijo...

Jajajaja, cabal vos, muchas veces un sí o un no son suficientes, pero si hubieras tenido ese cuidado no nos estuvieramos riendo de esta gran historia ahorita, jajajaja.

POr cierto, no querés un tu vaso de EggNog, jajajaja....

Anónimo dijo...

ajajajajaja

PUTA!!!! no me acordaba de esa mierda!!! ajajajaja y no digamos el egg nogazo ajajajajajaja puta esa formula de ponerse la megatalega del siglo psicologicamente nos la tiene que pasar este cerote Andy porque lo que soy yo ni a putas puedo ajajajaja que se me hace que fue el arroz con elotes de la Biana ajajajaja que buena mierda!!! siiiiiiiiiiiii cerot!!!

Orale Pues!!!

LEV ANDROPOV

jcab dijo...

Jejeje, que buena. Creo que en esos ratos de hablar muladas con los amigos salen las mejores historias, lo peor es que a veces uno habla unas tontadas que con el tiempo se las siguen recordando.

Un yo dijo...

No pues como dice el viejo y conocido refran el pez muere por su propia boca, jaja.
Que buena mierda.

Orale.

el chamuco dijo...

no pues... en realidad he dejado de tomar el EggNog ya que despues de la bolencia psicologica que me agarro ese dia me di cuenta también funciona como un aditivo para el estomago para quemar bastante aceite... jajaja

Ahora lo que quisiera es que muy pronto se publicara la historia de un cuate que se tiro desde una tarima en el colegio, que le fue cumplido su sueño tan anelado... jajaja

Andy dijo...

Gran Lev, hace tiempo que no contaba con tu presencia por este tu humilde ruletero. Fijate vos que mas que el arroz con elotitos de la biana, creo que lo que nos puso mulas ese día fue la cerveza, el ponche de leche con guaro, el cognac, el plus mierda ese del perfecto amor, el champagne, el botran puro y sobre todo los putos chocolates con licor, jajaja.

Jcab, cabal, de allí salen las mejores historias, pero lo que vos decís es cierto, si uno se descuida van a pasar años, como en efecto le está pasando al compañero chamuco en que se los vamos a recordar grueso, jajaja. Yo tambiñen tengo mis muladas que me recuerdan de vez en cuando, pero eso se los cuento otro día, jajaj.

Perro Iluso, igual cabal, jajaja, este cayó por bocón, jajaj.

Chamuco, ni te ahueves, te prometo que esa historia se contará debidamente detallada mas adelante.

Saludos a todos.

La Filistea dijo...

Yo se que "las filisteas" tenemos fama de metiches , pero la verdad es que aquí (en este post) me sentí ivadiendo la privacidad de los patojos, algo asi como la mamá detras de la puerta escuchando que dice su hijo y sus amigos.

En fin; "ahh pero eso sí"...

P.S. Andy tenemos 'casi' los mismos gustos en la musica, a mi tambien me encanta Sinatra, "South of the border, down Mexico way", la la laaaaaaaaa...

Aunque en el "heavy rock" soy mas underground.

.Chaludos..

SiRGt dijo...

me cago de la risa jajaja es lo unico q agradezco de ser de sistemas, seguir todo paso a paso y si no me preguntan algo ni lo mensiono jajajajjaja

Lu! dijo...

hoy si me rei como meeeeeeeensa jaja yo creo que hasta escupí mi monitor...

siempre hay más de alguien que mete la pata va? pero este tu cuate si logró que me cagara de la risa...

saluditos pues Chofeeeeeeeer!

Andy dijo...

Filistea: no te ahueves porque no les estabas inadiendo la privacidad a los "patojos", vieras que para cuand pasó esta historia ya o éramos tan patojos que digamos, jajaja. Y en cuanto a la música, grande Sinatra, Bad Leroy Brown, Fly me to the moon, y un largo etc. Yo si reconozco que el rock que me gusta es mas comercial, pero no se puede negar que son grandes bandas, jajaja.

Sirgt: ¿Sabés que es lo jodido? Que estos cerotes de la historia también son de sistemas, pero no seguían las cosas paso a paso, además, la emoción el momento muchas veces te hace hablar de mas, jajajaja.

Mi querida Lu, me alegra que te gustara la historia del gran Chamuco, jajaja, no hay nada mejor que reirse un buen rato con las muladas de alguie mas, jajaja. Ahhh, pero eso sí... jajaja.

Mas adelante les estaré contando mas historias tenebrosas como esta.

Andy dijo...

Lú, se me olvidaba, otro punto importante es estar allí cuando alguien la cague y no ser uno ese alguien, jajaja.

Anónimo dijo...

ahhh si vos Andy,

Andaba desaparecido hasta del chance jajajaja lo que pasa es que los ultimos 15 dias andaba de viaje enseñandole perdido en la jungla de todo el norte del pais los lugares de alla por el Peten a Tanja, lo que pasa es que ya regreso a su patria el miercoles 16 a hacer unas ondas que tenia pendientes asi que por eso estaba inomunicado un poco. Larga despedida que le llaman... pero muy de a huevo... tan de a huevo que me ahuevo que no estoy muriendome de tristeza... yo creo que no he bajado del cielo compadre... Y bueno en el chance cerraron el hoyo que habia enontrado en la red para salir a internet asi que ya estoy buscando otro... lo unico es que ya habia abierto 4 hoyos y ahora creo que si esta mas pisado... malditos administrators... erghhhh... por lo pronto solo podre conectarme por las noches que es cuando vuelvo a mi jaus... ESO SI hasta que encuenre otro hoyo jajajajaja en la red no piensen mal que ya tengo dueña... Darghh me cae mal el egoismo de las empresas, uno sacandose la mierda por buscar como pelarsela con paga todavia y rapido buscan como pisarlo a uno y hacerlo trabajar mas, que huevos, aca hay algo malo en las empresas jajajajaja bueno Tranki, saludos dice el Julio jajajaja nos vemos maestro!!!

LEV ANDROPOV

PS: estaria bueno contar todas las muladas incluso el Home Alone gritando su interes por las cosas en la ventana del director jajaja

Anónimo dijo...

ahhh si vos Andy,

Andaba desaparecido hasta del chance jajajaja lo que pasa es que los ultimos 15 dias andaba de viaje enseñandole perdido en la jungla de todo el norte del pais los lugares de alla por el Peten a Tanja, lo que pasa es que ya regreso a su patria el miercoles 16 a hacer unas ondas que tenia pendientes asi que por eso estaba inomunicado un poco. Larga despedida que le llaman... pero muy de a huevo... tan de a huevo que me ahuevo que no estoy muriendome de tristeza... yo creo que no he bajado del cielo compadre... Y bueno en el chance cerraron el hoyo que habia enontrado en la red para salir a internet asi que ya estoy buscando otro... lo unico es que ya habia abierto 4 hoyos y ahora creo que si esta mas pisado... malditos administrators... erghhhh... por lo pronto solo podre conectarme por las noches que es cuando vuelvo a mi jaus... ESO SI hasta que encuenre otro hoyo jajajajaja en la red no piensen mal que ya tengo dueña... Darghh me cae mal el egoismo de las empresas, uno sacandose la mierda por buscar como pelarsela con paga todavia y rapido buscan como pisarlo a uno y hacerlo trabajar mas, que huevos, aca hay algo malo en las empresas jajajajaja bueno Tranki, saludos dice el Julio jajajaja nos vemos maestro!!!

LEV ANDROPOV

PS: estaria bueno contar todas las muladas incluso el Home Alone gritando su interes por las cosas en la ventana del director jajaja

ANIMITA dijo...

jajajajaja... pa' no creerlo y yo que venía solo a penar... jajajaja

Saludos paranormales.

La Filistea dijo...

Yeap:
Sinatra es buenisimo, a mi me encanta el jazz, algunas me iba a bares en Manhattan donde tocan blues, o hacen 'covers' de los grandes, no lo puedo describir exactamente pero para mí es exitante.

Y bueno con lo del 'rock comercial', creo que ultimamente todo se esta yendo por ese camino sino no hay manera de vender, si te gusta Maiden, es posible que te guste Gamma Ray, o Helloween, ellos tocan tambien ese 'Heavy Metal' artístico ellos le llaman Powermetal, es buenísimo, y la letra ni se diga.

Si no tenes material de ellos si quisieras yo puedo mandarte unos demos, para que veas de que se trata, o si te gusta el black o el death, tambien tengo algunos..

Un abrazo ;)

elpatojo dijo...

Muy bueno este tu post.
Si te digo que me cagué de la risa estaría siendo políticamente correcto, ja!
No cabe duda que sos único para ponerle la salsita.
Todos debemos tener algo así en el repertorio, yo no las cuento porque casi siempre era yo el que quedaba de mula.
Abrazotes pues!

Pirata Cojo dijo...

Historias para recordar y nunca olvidar, te felicito Andy, está bueno el post, paso rapidito porque van a usr la máquina.

Saludos.

Andy dijo...

Gran Lev, ya sabñia yo que habñia alguna razón para que anduvieras tan desaparecido. Un gran abrazo por la partida de tanja maestro, me ehcaré un trago a tu salud.

Animita, mi primer visitante oficial desde chile, y me alegre que te hayas reido un poco. Por aquí te esperamos.

Filistea: Cabal ese comentario hice yo hace unos días hablando con un cuate, dije que es una bendición vivir en una ciudad donde hay clubes de jazz y de blues. Aunque no conozco mucho de ambos géneros igual me los disfruto. y Helloween, que grandes son, acaban de estar en venezuela pero no pude ir a verlos, me lo perdí. Hace años tuve mi etapa un poco mas oscura, escuchaba Decide, Cannibal Corps, King Diamond, y cosas así. Gracias por el ofrecimiento y aceptado para cuando podas.

En cuanto al Jazz, en Guatemala hay buen moviemiento de este tipo, estuve en noviembre en el festival Manifest-Arte en el cerrito del carmen y en el escenario de jazz hubieron interpretaciones magistrales, Jazz-Explosivo de Fernando martín y gechu gudiel, Sirokko con jazz flamenco y fusión de alfredo cáceres y el gran Kid López, etc. La mñusica es grande, definitivamente. Abrazos para vos también.

Patojo, jajaja, calculá que yo también tengo mis buenas historias de mi protagonismo, la ventaja es que aquí en el ruletero las cuento yo, jajaj, por eso las mías tardan mas en salir. Saludos para vos y un día de estos me paso por el elevador.

Pirata, calculá mano, vos las que has de tener tambiñen, a ver cuando nos ilustras con alguna anécdota de las buenas.

Saludos a todos y por aquí se les espera.

Andy dijo...

Filistea: Se me olvidaba, Rhapsody tambiñen muy buenos, en español Angeles del Infierno, Rata Blanca hace unos años, etc.

Pero de música ya nos platicaremos mas despacio, jaja.

Saludos de nuevo.

rafael romero dijo...

Vos Andy, esas ondas no se cuentan, papá, ja ja ja ja, pura mierda con tu cuate... qué colorón, ya me imagino. En fin, todo sea por divertir a tus lectores, ¿¿o no??... A mí también me gusta que conozcan a mis cuates, por eso hasta fotos de ellos pongo. Pela, al final, pela. Lo mismo harían ellos con uno... por eso mejor nos adelantamos. Yo me acuerdo de un cuate que tuve que fue donde las nenas, supuestamente sólo a echar mano, porque la verdá, ejemplares más pura mierda los que habían. Otro cuate lo acompañó y no querían decir qué putas habían hecho. En eso, el otro cuate se atrevió a contar y dice: "'bieran visto a este cerote, muchá, zocando grueso". Y la mara: "a la puta, qué huevos, que la gran..." y el cerote, para quitarse el vergazo dice: "ahhh, eso sí, pero no me la trinqué muchá, sólo la lenguetié"... Imaginate, vos.

Saludos pues!!

La Filistea dijo...

Sí de musica platicaremos mas a lo bohemio. Mi Filisteo acaba de ir a ver a Deicide, me gusta la musica, pero aunque esta filistea es algo "paganota", hay cosas que no muy las mastico, de sus liricas, asi que las descarte y mis trompas de Eustaquio, dificilmente las dijieren ahora que ya "pikinglich"

Tambien supe que en Guatemala estuvo Behemoth, el año pasado y que les robaron material o vestuario no estoy muy segura.

Ciao.. ;)

Andy dijo...

jajaja, eso del "pikinglich" tenía tiempo de no oirlo, jaja. Pero en efecto, muy acertado tu comentario, lo que pasa es que cuando yo tuve mi etapa de oir deicide y todos estos grupos fue como en el 94, así que creía que oir eso era una inofensiva manera de expresar mi reveldía, jajaja. Claro, en cuanto uno agarra barco de lo que en realidad se trata la cosa, pues como que la culpa teológica te impide digerirlo, jajaja.

Slaudos.

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Anónimo dijo...

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Anónimo dijo...

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